two woman i love most now.

i've lost everything about them

my mum and mich.

i've let her down,i broke her trust,she never expect me to be like this and so much stuffs.

went on and one.

i lost her.i still praying that she will come back around soon.

she gotta erase me soon enough.

i destroy our happiness with my own hand when i actually love her.

the future i plan which include her is gone.

damn agib.

she was always there for me.she was just right in front of me but i pushed her away.

i'm sorry.

mummy love me and dote on me.

i hurt her with my words,my flare,my violence.

first time i did all this.

she hasn't been talking to me for two weeks.

what wrong with me?

i hurt them with my everything.

i misses them alot.

there is no more way out for me.

friends think i ain't the same anymore.

the madness is so intolerable.

i love you mum.same to mich.

should i just turn my back and walk away with my heavy heart?
if that could be easy,i would be doing that for you.
i know what on your mind now.
yet i keep on lying to myself time again and again.
before i do that,i would want very much to see you last time and
there telling you everything that has been weighing on my mind.
i love you and i know is gotta be difficult path for me now and then.
i have to do it though is gotta be very painful things for me.
cos i never want to hold on to you when you ain't happy like this.
i never wan continue seeing you in a confused state.
no more pressure for you anymore.
i wanna ease your burden cos you will never need to carry more than that.
i still kneel down and say a prayer and hoping that we won be in this state.
but is in vain.
i tried everything to make you happy.
now i am telling myself this...
"you have tried your best.though you failed but at least you did
put in effort by doing everything to make her smile"

baby,i'm sorry for everything.
is hurt.
you will be happy this way?

what i can do to gain your forgiveness?
i love you all along.
is no lies.
no sorry can ever help.
i tried all ways.
there's nothing i wouldn't do for you.
let's start all over again please.

i'm sorry.

i need you back in my life every now and then.

She's starin' at me
I'm sittin' wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
And now it's I'm yellin' over her, she yellin' over me
All that that means is neither of us is listening

And what's even worse?
That we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothin', crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

And it gets me upset
Girl when you're constantly accusing
Askin' questions like you already know
We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

Whoa, what happened to workin' it out?
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin' down and I ain't backin' down
So what the hell do we do now?
It's all for

Nothing, fighting for
Nothing, crying for
Nothing, whoa
But we won't let it go for

Nothing, no not for
Nothing, this should be
Nothing to a love like what we got

Oh baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
Perfect, perfect, oh oh
And just how good it's gonna be
We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

Baby, I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
Can't sleep through the pain

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
No, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you
And I don't want you to go to bed mad at me
Oh no no no

i've hurt you,broke your trust,lose hope in me.
i've never stop loving you.i got no courage in everything i do.
yet putting you in the wrong spot.
i'll never do all this again if you put everything behind.
simple life with you is what i really want to have.
the problem is hectic.
yet i keep mum about matter thinking thing will be fine.
i was wrong.
the word of sorry is nothing to you anymore but i meant what i say.
everything just go against us.
i took you for granted.
i am defeated.
let build everything back to normal and days we used to have.
we was happy,teasing each other,laughing all day long..
till problems after problems destroy us.
are we that weak?
please.is unbearable to let you go.

lyrics of PLEASE-
//one part of lyric.that's all i know.

suddenly i'm longing for you,your phone call,your voice,
the tears i've been trying so hard to hold back are suddenly falling.
the love that you didn't know , the wanting i hid from you,
that's how it must be,maybe i need to throw away.
even the word goodbye said so easily,
my hidden tears are coming out.
even if you know,you still do it without my knowing.
the words "i regret", i swallow them back thousand and tens of thousands times,
afraid of getting caught, afraid that you'll cry,
i cry.

i think you're the loveliest girl on this planet. your actions mesmerize me, your touch makes me feel warm inside, your laughter makes me chuckle uncontrollably.your flaw aint matter to me. your tantrum makes me smile. if i ever had the courage to tell you how i feel, i might just scare you away.
=/

alright.is a public post now.
nothing much to state.all i can say..loads of up and down.
things and humans around me changing.
i am confuse. now i'm no longer know how to chat about my problems anymore.
my words will get you wrong idea.my feeling will get you upset.


all i can do is to concentrate on my career.
cambodia's trip is coming.
i'm gotta find my soul back.i promise.

DEADLY TIRE FROM EVERYTHING.
hey alex,come into my dream please.
=/